Some paraprosdokians not only change the meaning of an early phrase, but also play on the double meaning of a particular word, creating a syllepsis.

• I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn’t work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.
• Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.
• Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.
• The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it’s still on the list.
• Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
• If I agreed with you we’d both be wrong.
• We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.
• War does not determine who is right – only who is left.
• Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
• The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
• Evening news is where they begin with ‘Good evening’, and then proceed to tell you why it isn’t.
• To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.
• A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station.
• How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?
• Some people are like Slinkies … not really good for anything, but you can’t help smiling when you see one tumble down the stairs.
• Dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captivity, they can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw them fish.
• I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted pay checks.
• A bank is a place that will lend you money, if you can prove that you don’t need it.
• Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says “In an emergency, notify,” I put “DOCTOR”.
• I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with “Guess” on it…so I said “Implants?”
• Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?
• Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.
• Why do Americans choose from just two people to run for president and 50 for Miss America ?
• Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman.
• A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
• You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.
• The voices in my head may not be real, but they have some good ideas!
• Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won’t expect it back.
• A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you will look forward to the trip.
• Hospitality: making your guests feel like they’re at home, even if you wish they were.
• I discovered I scream the same way whether I’m about to be devoured by a great white shark or if a piece of seaweed touches my foot.
• Some cause happiness wherever they go. Others whenever they go.
• There’s a fine line between cuddling and holding someone down so they can’t get away.
• I used to be indecisive. Now I’m not sure.
• I always take life with a grain of salt, plus a slice of lemon, and a shot of tequila.
• When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water.
• You’re never too old to learn something stupid.
• To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.
• Nostalgia isn’t what it used to be.
• Some people hear voices. Some see invisible people. Others have no imagination whatsoever.
• A bus is a vehicle that runs twice as fast when you are after it as when you are in it.
• If you are supposed to learn from your mistakes, why do some people have more than one child?
• Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

• Kidnappers are not very interested in you.
• In a hostage situation you are likely to be released first.
• No one expects you to run…anywhere.
• People call at 9 pm and ask, “Did I wake you?”
• People no longer view you as a hypochondriac.
• There is nothing left to learn the hard way.
• Things you buy now won’t wear out.
• You can eat supper at 4 p.m. and then again at 9 p.m.
• You can live without sex, but not your glasses.
• You get into heated arguments about pension plans.
• You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge.
• You quit trying to hold your stomach in no matter who walks into the room.
• You sing along with elevator music.
• Your  eyes won’t get much worse.
• Your investment in health insurance is finally beginning to pay off.
• Your joints are more accurate meteorologists than the national weather service.
• Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can’t remember them either.
• Your  supply of brain cells is finally down to manageable size.
• You can’t remember where you first saw this list.

And you notice these are all in Big Print for your convenience.

• If you must go down, please get on with it.
• Two-way finesse rule one: procrastinate.
• Count your winners and count your losers. If they add up to 14, count your cards.
• The meek shall inherit the earth, but not the bonus points.
• When in deep trouble, take a deep finesse.
• Misplay early, that way, you have more time to catch up.
• If you haven’t found the best line of play by trick 10, try divine guidance.
• To finesse is human, to win is – divine.
• If your doubles are all successful, you are not doubling enough or your tables are too close together in a duplicate game.
• The hallmark of an expert is to be wrong for the most sophisticated of reasons.
• If I ever marry a bridge player, it will be on impulse, as a man shoots himself.
• Assumption’s the mother of all blown contracts.
• It’s not the skill that drops off with age, it’s the drive, the killer instinct and when a man isn’t primed to kill he makes mistakes.
• Bridge is a great comfort in your old age. It also helps you get there faster.
• South: Alert! East: Yes? South: I’m requested to further misdescribe my hand.
• The difference between genius and stupidity is that genius has its limits.
• We had a partnership misunderstanding. My partner assumed I knew what I was doing.
• My partner is 20 years behind the times. Nowadays you pay your money to bid. My partner still thinks you need cards.
• Your play was much better tonight, and so were your excuses.
• We play forcing hesitations.
• I’d like a review of the bidding with all the original inflections.

To protect depositors of 1st Centennial Bank, the FDIC entered into a purchase and assumption agreement under which First California Bank assumed all insured deposits of 1st Centennial Bank. Branches previously operated by 1st Centennial will reopen Monday morning, January 26, as part of the First California Bank franchise. 1st Centennial’s depositors will automatically become depositors of First California Bank.

“The current economic environment has created significant challenges for many banks throughout the nation,” said C. G. Kum, president and chief executive officer of First California Financial Group. “Although we are disheartened to see a bank in our community struggle, we are pleased that First California is positioned to help protect the depositors and financial health of the communities served by the former 1st Centennial Bank branch locations. As one of the strongest capitalized and financially sound community banks in Southern California, celebrating 30 years of providing the best in community banking, we welcome 1st Centennial’s depositors to our organization and look forward to providing our expanded base of customers with the strength, stability and excellent service to which they have been accustomed.”

1st Centennial Bank was chartered in 1990 in Redlands, Calif. as Redlands Centennial Bank. It later acquired the former Palomar Community Bank, and subsequently changed its name to 1st Centennial Bank. 1st Centennial established six branch locations and two loan production offices in of Southern California. The addition of 1st Centennial’s branches expands First California’s operations to include 18 full-service banking centers in Los Angeles, Orange, Riverside, San Bernardino, San Diego and Ventura counties.

About First California Financial Group, Inc.

First California Financial Group, Inc. (NASDAQ: FCAL) is an emerging force in Southern California banking. With assets exceeding $1 billion, the company operates throughout Southern California, primarily under the First California Bank brand. The bank’s focus is the commercial market, particularly small- and middle-sized businesses, professional firms and commercial real estate, development and construction companies. With a commitment to provide the best client service available in its markets, the bank offers a full line of quality commercial banking products now through eighteen full-service branch offices. The holding company’s website can be accessed at www.fcalgroup.com. For additional information on First California Bank’s products and services, visit www.fcbank.com.

Forward-looking Information

This press release contains certain forward-looking information about First California that is intended to be covered by the safe harbor for “forward-looking statements” provided by the Private Securities Litigation Reform Act of 1995. All statements other than statements of historical fact are forward-looking statements, and include, but are not limited to, statements related to the assumption of insured deposits of 1st Centennial, along with maintenance of First California’s asset quality, liquidity, capital position and lending capacity. Such statements involve inherent risks and uncertainties, many of which are difficult to predict and are generally beyond the control of First California. First California cautions readers that a number of important factors could cause actual results to differ materially from those expressed in, or implied or projected by, such forward-looking statements. Risks and uncertainties include, but are not limited to, revenues are lower than expected, credit quality deterioration which could cause an increase in the provision for credit losses, changes in consumer spending, borrowing and savings habits, technological changes, the cost of additional capital is more than expected, a change in the interest rate environment reduces interest margins, asset/liability repricing risks and liquidity risks, general economic conditions, particularly those affecting real estate values, either nationally or in the market areas in which First California does or anticipates doing business, including the likelihood of a U.S. recession, which may be prolonged, a slowdown in construction activity, inflation, interest rate, securities market and monetary fluctuations, recent volatility in the credit or equity markets and its effect on the general economy, loan delinquency rates, the ability of First California and First California Bank to retain customers, demographic changes, demand for the products or services of First California and First California Bank, as well as their ability to attract and retain qualified people, competition with other banks and financial institutions, and other factors. If any of these risks or uncertainties materializes or if any of the assumptions underlying such forward-looking statements proves to be incorrect, First California’s results could differ materially from those expressed in, or implied or projected by such forward-looking statements. First California assumes no obligation to update such forward-looking statements. For a more complete discussion of risks and uncertainties, investors and security holders are urged to read the section titled “Risk Factors” in First California’s Annual Report on Form 10-K and any other reports filed by it with the Securities and Exchange Commission (“SEC”). The documents filed by First California with the SEC may be obtained at the SEC’s website at www.sec.gov. These documents may also be obtained free of charge from First California by directing a request to: First California Financial Group, Inc., 3027 Townsgate Road, Suite 300, Westlake Village, CA 91361. Attention: Investor Relations. Telephone (805) 322-9655.

At the Company: Ron Santarosa 805-322-9333 At PondelWilkinson: Angie Yang 310-279-5980

NatGeo Doubles Bet

This is what they say about this “Award Winning” gift:

Did you know that not all tarantulas are brown? The cobalt blue tarantula lives in Thailand, and a tarantula with blue-green legs and a bright orange abdomen is found in Venezuela. No matter what color, spiders are one of the creepiest crawlers out there, and now you can control one yourself. Because their eight legs move separately, be prepared for screams when one scuttles realistically from beneath the table.

• Included: educational fun fact; two tarantulas, one of each color
• Required: 2 AAA and 3 AA batteries, not included
• 7” leg span
• Ages 6 and up

A gift for Gary

This is from their catalog, and I must tell you that I found something I would like on every page. To see more visit Hammacher Schlemmer at http://hammacher.com/.

Trouble reading the description?

The Remote Controlled Tarantula.

This remote-control tarantula scurries across flat surfaces like an actual arachnid, moving forwards, backwards, and rotates 360°. It has a hairy exterior, similar to the urticating hairs that cover a tarantula’s abdomen and serve as defense mechanisms against predators, and the spider’s eight legs move independently and the eyes light up, allowing you to frighten unsuspecting arachnophobes day or night. Remote requires two AA batteries and tarantula requires two AAA batteries. Ages 6 and up. The manufacturer has confirmed that this item meets U.S. Federal toy safety standards for lead. 1″ H x 6″ L. (12 oz.)

Get your mail at: mail.baker90278.com.

What say you?